


Losing Control

by GovernorKristique



Series: Acquiescence [4]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Break Up, Drugs, F/F, Gentle Sex, Hallucinations, Lesbian Sex, Love, Love Confessions, Protective!Joan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:22:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28196865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GovernorKristique/pseuds/GovernorKristique
Summary: Jodie's relationship with her alcoholic father has taken a turn for the worse. After she arrives on Joan's doorstep having scratched herself raw, her older lover is overtaken by a fierce need to protect her. She tries to stop herself from interfering with Jodie's life, but everyone's self control has a breaking point.CW: mentions of self-harm, violence.
Relationships: Joan Ferguson/Jodie Spiteri
Series: Acquiescence [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050788
Comments: 8
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Joan lounged on her leather sofa in a silky black robe. She sipped a fragrant cup of chamomile tea as she cracked open her new novel. She put on her reading glasses and settled comfortably into the couch, resting her feet on the armrest. Her back ached after having to keep Boomer in a hold until Mr. Jackson showed up to escort her to the slot. She had spent the evening relaxing, treating herself to a warm bath and texting flirtatiously with Vera. Her deputy was so kind that she had even had a meal delivered to Joan’s apartment to make sure she was well fed after a taxing day. Joan wished they saw each other more, but Vera’s decrepit mother occupied most of her time outside of work. 

Joan was startled out of her novel at the sound of rapid knocking on her door. She checked her phone to see if she had any messages, as it was nearly midnight and she certainly wasn’t expecting company. She stepped into her slippers and made her way towards the door. She opened it cautiously, keeping her wits about her. Working in corrections for 20 years and living alone as a woman meant that she was always aware of potential risks and dangers.

“Jodie...” Joan gasped as the blood on her sleeves caught her attention. “Come,” she wrapped her arm around the sobbing girl. She pulled her close and rested her cheek on top of the shorter woman’s head as she let her cry. The two stood there for a few minutes as Jodie caught her breath. Joan pulled away and gently rolled up her sleeve. She was taken aback by how deep the wounds were. They were the worst she’d seen on Jodie’s arms. 

“Joan I’m sorry…” Jodie squealed as she tried not to cry. “Don’t apologize my darling,” Joan whispered. “What happened?” she arrested Jodie’s gaze. “My dad…” she cried. “He came home completely shitfaced and lost it. He accused me of stealing booze from his cabinet and freaked out. He said I was worthless, and pointless, and-” she heaved as she fought to catch her breath. “Joan, he said I was nothing. And that I would never amount to anything,” she buried her face in her hands as she sobbed. 

Jodie wrapped her arm around her shoulders and stroked her hair. “Shhh...you’re safe now. Let it out…” she whispered as she rocked Jodie softly back and forth in her arms. She stayed like that until Jodie stopped crying and calmed her breathing. “Can I make you a cup of tea?” Joan offered kindly. Jodie nodded and slumped on the couch as Joan put the kettle on and pulled her first aid kit from the cupboard. She placed the kit on her coffee table and assisted Jodie in removing her shirt. She helped her stand, and removed her robe, wrapping it around the small girl. Joan sat down facing Jodie and crossed her legs as she pulled on blue latex gloves. She tenderly cleaned the girl’s wounds as she silently sipped her tea. She began unrolling a gauze bandage and sighed. “Jodie, I have to ask...are you using again? Or, drinking, when you’re upset?” she gently caressed her thigh. “No! I haven’t touched the stuff in months. You know that,” Jodie looked down in shame. “You’re right. I’m sorry dear. I just worry about you sometimes is all,” Joan admitted. “I promise I’m fine. My dad was wasted. He forgot he drank the last bottle of scotch in the house, and assumed I’d taken it to a party. I was just out late last night but he didn’t care to hear it,” Jodie shrugged, defeated. 

Joan nodded silently and wondered what Jodie was doing out so late. But Joan wasn’t going to pry. She was trying her hardest to keep out of Jodie’s business and let her enjoy herself, and she vowed not to interfere if Jodie seemed happy. She banished her worries from her mind as she wrapped Jodie’s forearms. 

“Huh,” Jodie chuckled to herself. “I just realized something,” she smiled sweetly. “Care to share?” Joan teased. “Today’s the 27th. We slept together for the first time a year ago today,” she smiled. 

“Wow, a whole year, hmm?” Joan replied, amazed that she’d only been with this remarkable woman for such a short period of time. She taped down the gauze and gently kissed the inside of Jodie’s forearms. “Jodie, we need to talk about this. You can’t hurt yourself every time someone upsets you…” she said gently.

“I know,” Jodie sighed. “I just get so angry and upset sometimes that I don’t know what to do with myself,” she admitted. Joan nodded empathetically, “I understand baby. But we need to find something else you can do to cope”.

Jodie’s cell phone rang, causing her to jump a little bit. She picked it up to check who was calling. “Ugh it’s my mom. I can’t deal with her right now”. “May I?” Joan reached for the phone. Jodie nodded gratefully. Joan answered the call.

“Hello Lisa...yes she’s with me....my apartment.” Jodie grabbed Joan’s arm urgently and shook her head. Joan nodded and caressed the back of her hand. “Lisa I think it’s best if she stays here tonight. She could use some time away from Sean, and she’s already fallen asleep,” she gave Jodie a knowing glance. “Um…” she peered down at Jodie’s arms. “She’s a little worse for wear but I’ve taken care of it...no stitches, she’ll be alright...very well, we’ll talk in the morning.” Joan hung up.

“Thank you,” Jodie whispered gratefully. Joan kissed her forehead and pulled the girl into her lap. Jodie laid back against Joan’s chest and sweetly ran her fingernails up and down Joan’s strong arms. “You know darling, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” Joan whispered. Jodie huffed in frustration. “That’s not true. I didn’t consent to this,” she raised her forearms. “How am I supposed to ignore my dad when he says such hurtful shit to me? I try not to care but...I don’t know, he’s my dad. Of course it hurts me,” she muttered as Joan stroked her hair. She completely understood how Jodie felt. She thought back to her own father’s cruelty, and how desperately she tried to close herself off emotionally from his abuse. She couldn’t escape him, even after his death. 

“You know Jodie, my father and I had a complicated relationship too. He was very hard on me. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. I can understand how you feel darling…” Joan trailed. “How did you deal with it?” Jodie inquired. 

Joan swallowed as memories of her time with Dariya came flooding back. Dariya was the first to submit herself to Joan’s control. She could see that fencing was no longer enough to quell the Russian woman’s anger, and talked her into releasing her aggression in the bedroom. Joan took to it naturally, and had thirsted for it ever since.

“Well…” Joan started, unsure of how to explain. “When you’ve endured years of abuse, it’s only natural to hold that anger within your body. But you cannot deny the animal within. You have to feed it,” she whispered. “Joan you know I love how poetic you are, but I really just need some straight up advice,” Jodie pressed. “Very well. Up,” she gently tapped Jodie’s leg. She took Jodie by the hand and led her upstairs. 

Joan pulled her tank top over her head and dropped her panties to the floor. Jodie sighed, “I’m really not in the mood…” she said shyly. Joan shook her head with a smile and kissed her young lover. “You misunderstand darling. You aren’t going to fuck me. You’re going to punish me,” she kissed the corner of Jodie’s mouth. The young girl’s eyes widened as she watched Joan saunter to her dresser and pull her handcuffs out. She skillfully fixed them to her wrists behind her back, locked them, and gazed into Jodie’s eyes. “Let it out baby. I surrender myself to you, completely. I have a feeling you’ll enjoy taking charge,” she grinned. Intrigued, Jodie slowly made her way to the bound woman and kissed her cheek. “Are you sure? This can’t be easy for you…” she whispered in her ear. Joan smiled warmly, “it’s the easiest thing in the world Jodie. I trust you, and you need this. Just...try it. If you don’t like it, then we’ll stop. But if you do…” she trailed. “I would rather endure the worst pain you can give me than see you hurt yourself again,” she whispered softly. 

Jodie abruptly tossed her arms around the naked woman and pulled her tightly into a suffocating hug. “I’m so sorry Joan. I know I scare you. I love you for doing this,” she kissed her cheek and began sifting through the box. She pulled out the flogger she enjoyed so much, and let her fingers graze through the leather. “Lie down on the bed. On your stomach,” she instructed shyly. “Yes darling,” Joan whispered. She laid down and rested her cheek on the pillow, staring at Jodie. She tried to calm her rapid heartbeat; she had never let another woman do anything like this to her. Quite frankly she was terrified, but Jodie needed this and she was desperate to help the girl. 

“What are you going to do to me?” she whispered, cursing herself for the quiver in her voice. Jodie brushed her jet black hair away from her face and kissed her cheek. “I’m going to whip your ass with this,” she taunted. Joan nodded and braced herself for the blow. 

Jodie wound her arm back and sent the flogger crashing down on Joan’s curvaceous ass. She flinched, surprised at the smaller woman’s strength. Jodie took a deep breath as she delivered another blow. Joan winced. She didn’t like this. Not at all. She grit her teeth and focused her mind, determined to endure as much as Jodie needed. Jodie delivered hard blows, and she spaced them apart causing Joan to wait nervously in anticipation. “Does this help my darling?” Joan asked. Jodie nodded silently as her eyes focused on her target. She was breathing harder and furrowed her brow. 

“You’re worthless…” she snarled as she sent the flogger flying down. Joan winced audibly, but Jodie didn’t seem to notice. “You’re pointless…” she whipped harder. “You’re nothing…” she cracked down with brute force. Joan closed her eyes and breathed through the pain. She heard the flogger drop to the ground as Jodie rummaged through the box, looking for something else. She selected a paddle and roughly grabbed Joan’s legs, pushing them forward so that Joan’s ass was up in the air. Joan ran her warm hand along her pink flesh as she examined her work. “You’re worthless!” she smacked Joan’s ass hard. “You’re pointless!” Joan bit her lip as her arse burned in pain. “You’re nothing!” Jodie shouted. She hit harder and faster, delivering smacks in rapid succession. Joan bore the sting as she hoped the child would soon get her fill. She lost count of how many blows Jodie delivered, as she willed herself to endure.  _ It’s just pain...it’s just pain _ ...she thought to herself. She heard the paddle fall to the floor with a clatter as Jodie’s fingernails dug into her lower back and scratched hard down her ass and thighs. The scratches seared in pain, and she couldn’t handle any more. “Jodie, enough!” Joan shouted. Jodie’s lip quivered as tears began rolling down her cheeks. She stared at her hands, shocked by the crimson red hue under her fingernails. She looked at the deep scratches along Joan’s body and gasped. She hadn’t intended to draw blood. “I’m so sorry Joan, I didn’t mean to. I-I...I fucked up. I fucked up, I’m so sorry,” she whimpered. Joan slowed her panicked breathing and spoke softly to the girl. “Jodie, it’s alright. Just release my hands. You’re okay,” she soothed the girl. Jodie nodded as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. Her hands shook as she twisted the key in the lock. Jodie couldn’t look away from her scratches. “I can’t believe I did this to you,” her voice shook. Joan grabbed her hands and looked deep into her eyes. “I’m  _ fine _ Jodie. I promise. It’s not your fault, you just lost control. It’s happened to me before too”. She pulled the girl into a comforting embrace as the blood began to trickle down the back of her legs. “Now lie down. You need to rest,” she kissed her softly. Jodie nodded and obeyed as Joan headed to the bathroom to take care of her wounds.

Jodie’s phone vibrated on the nightstand. She picked it up, hoping it wasn’t her mother. She smiled as Vicky’s name glowed on the screen.

**Party tomorrow night at Chase’s house. You in?**

Jodie contemplated how to respond. She had a paper due in three days that she hadn’t started. But she was really starting to like Vicky, and after the day she had, a night out sounded like just what she needed. She was riddled with guilt over hurting the woman she loved, and any distraction would be a welcome one.

**I’m in. See you then <3**


	2. Chapter 2

Joan turned the kettle on as Jodie lounged on the couch watching TV. Her ass and legs were still hurting with a dull throbbing ache. Upon waking up, Jodie had apologized profusely for taking it too far. Joan forgave her every time, and tried to reassure her that she was fine. She really hoped Jodie would eventually abolish her guilt and move on from it. But it was clear the girl was struggling. 

Joan dunked her teabag up and down, lost in her thoughts. She flinched abruptly when she heard a knock at the door. “Go pack up your things Jodie, your mum’s here,” she said gently. Jodie nodded and made her way up the stairs. Joan calmly opened the door and stepped outside. Lisa looked like an absolute mess. Her hair resembled a bird’s nest, her t-shirt had some sort of mysterious stain on it, and she wore cheap plastic sunglasses to cover her puffy eyes.

“Hi Joan,” Lisa said quietly. “Lisa,” she gave an acknowledging nod. “Thank you for letting her sleep here last night. My rehearsal ran late, and I found Sean passed out on the couch when I got home. I woke him up but he couldn’t remember what happened, or where Jodie was…” Lisa trailed. Joan crossed her arms, looking down at her pathetic friend. “Well Lisa, he was quite cruel, and said some truly horrible things to her. Jodie showed up in a complete state. She’s devastated. What she did to her arms, just…” Joan shook her head. Lisa’s eyes welled with tears as guilt gripped her chest. “Shit, he’s really been struggling lately. I’m trying to get him some help but he refuses to see a shrink or go to AA. I’m not sure what else to do,” she looked away as she dried her tears with her sleeve. “For Christ’s sake Lisa, you’re her  _ mother _ . You’re supposed to protect her,” Joan spat. Lisa nodded sadly as she nervously picked at her fingernails. “I know. I’ll figure something out. She didn’t say he touched her, or hit her or anything?” Lisa asked.

Joan cocked her head in curiosity. “No, thankfully he didn’t lay a hand on her,” she replied. Joan slowly grabbed her sunglasses and pulled them away. Lisa’s left eye was bloodshot, and bruised quite badly. Joan’s lips tightened as rage simmered in her body. “But just because he hasn’t yet, doesn’t mean he won't. Look at what he’s done to you Lisa…” she said quietly. Lisa bit her lip and smiled sadly. “It looks worse than it is. We’ve been having some issues in our marriage for a while. We had an argument this morning about his drinking, and he lashed out. He made a mistake. I honestly don’t think he would ever hurt Jodie, he loves her more than anything,” she replied. Joan’s nostrils flared as she became increasingly frustrated. “Lisa, you need to listen to me. He can’t control his anger. One day, you won’t be there to take it, and he’ll direct his fury towards Jodie. Men like that are dangerous. Trust me when I say, neither of you are safe,” she asserted. Joan remembered how eerie her mother looked submerged in the bathtub after Ivan had drowned her. She looked as beautiful as she always did, but to Joan, she just didn’t look like her mother anymore. Her chest tightened at the possibility that Sean could be capable of hurting Lisa or Jodie with the same cold indifference.

Jodie opened the door and gasped. “Mum what the fuck did he do to you?” she asked as she gripped her mother’s face. “Jodie, I’m fine. I’m just happy you’re alright,” she gave her a big hug. “How’s dad?” Jodie asked uncomfortably. “Fine. He’s going to stay at a hotel for a few days,” Lisa rubbed her back. Jodie nodded gratefully. Lisa pulled away from the hug and put her hands on Jodie’s shoulders. “Ready to go?” she asked. Jodie nodded and turned to Joan. “Thanks for letting me stay here. I really appreciate it,” she smiled politely. “Yes, thank you Joanie. I’m very lucky to have a friend like you,” Lisa smiled warmly. Joan nodded with a small smile of encouragement. “Anytime. Lisa, you call me if you need anything. Same to you Jodie,” she said.

\---

Joan turned down the radio as she pulled into the motel car park. She had spent the afternoon calling local accommodations to figure out where Sean Spiteri was staying. She turned off the ignition and leaned her seat back slightly as she examined the property. It was pretty quiet, only five other cars were there. It looked quite creepy in the dark; the street lights didn’t do much to illuminate the run down motel. Joan waited for an hour and a half before she saw the door to Sean’s room open. She glanced at her handgun in the passenger’s seat, and calculated her next move. Sean made his way down the stairs, and leaned against the wall next to a vending machine. Out of the corner of her eye, Joan saw a hooded figure approach him. She watched in confusion as the hooded figure passed something to Sean, and quickly walked away.  _ What the fuck _ , she wondered. Jodie hadn’t said anything about her father using drugs. 

She quickly dialled Jodie’s number, unsure of what she would say when the girl answered. “Helloooo?” a young man’s voice drawled. “Who’s this?” Joan asked. “Chase, who’re you?” he replied. “I’m looking for Jodie Spiteri. I’m her mother. Is she there?” she masked the concern in her voice. “Aye yeah, Jodie! Your mum’s called!” he hollered. Joan held her phone away from her ear. “Shit” she heard Jodie mutter on the other end. “Mummm I told you to leave me alone. I’m staying at my friend Vicky’s house tonight,” she slurred. Joan’s heart pounded as she realized Jodie was either drunk, high, or both. “Jodie it’s me,” she said. “Where are you?” she demanded. “Oh hi guvnaaa, I’m just hanging out with some friends,” she giggled. “Jodie, I’m coming to get you. Where’s this party?” she asked, already scrolling through her phone. She had Jodie’s location in seconds. She was relieved, but also frustrated that the girl didn’t keep a closer eye on her privacy settings. “Nahhh Jo-neeeee I’m good. Having a great time, you don’t need to worry!” Jodie drawled. “Oh shit!” she laughed as Joan heard glass breaking on the other end of the phone. “Jesus Christ Jodie,” she snarled as she hung up. She quickly tossed the gun into her glove compartment, took off her gloves, and pulled out of the parking lot.

Joan pulled up to the house and wrinkled her nose. She stepped out of the car and marched through the open door. She looked around at the mess of 20somethings drinking, dancing, and sloppily making out with each other all over the place.  _ Disgusting _ , Joan thought. She was never so irresponsible as a university student. She turned into the living room and saw Jodie lying in some girl’s lap, lighting a cigarette. She stomped towards the couch and crossed her arms. “Jodie, get your stuff. We’re leaving,” she demanded. “And who the fuck are you?” the abrasive brunette girl smirked as she took a swig of her beer. “Jodie’s aunt Joanna. Her mother’s worried sick. I need to get her home now,” Joan retorted. “Oh hi Auntieeee,” Jodie giggled. “Tell mum I’m having a great time. Vicky takes good care of me, don’t ya,” she arched her head up to look at Vicky. Vicky grinned and kissed Jodie. She looked up at Joan and grinned mischievously, “see Aunty Jo? She’s all good,” she taunted. Joan’s hand tightly formed into a fist as she willed herself to calm down. 

“Kosta!” Chase yelled across the room. Joan examined the boy’s leather jacket. He was one of The Conquerers, a local motorcycle club. “We’re going to Macca’s. Grab your shit and let’s go!” 

“Right give me a minute!” she shot back. “Wanna come babe?” she asked Jodie. Jodie looked up at Joan and sighed. She didn’t want to get caught up in Kosta’s drug running, and she suspected that Joan would likely follow her if she left for McDonalds anyway.

“Nah I’m tired. Alright Auntie, you win,” she slurred as she lifted herself up. “See ya later hot stuff,” Kosta grinned and spanked her ass. Joan was seething as she led Jodie by the hand out of the house. 

She helped Jodie into the car and sat down in the driver’s seat. She sat in silence for a moment wondering how Jodie got mixed up with someone involved in a biker gang. “What were you thinking Jodie?” Joan asked quietly. “Oh calm down, it was just a party. Young people have parties, remember?” Jodie huffed. Joan started the car and pulled away from the house, furrowing her brow in frustration. “You know you need to be responsible Jodie. You don’t want to relapse, do you?” Joan retorted. “Jesus, it was a PARTY. I’m not relapsing. I’m just having fun with my friends,” Jodie said. Her face dropped as she felt her stomach twisting. “Jodie what did you take?” Joan demanded. Jodie rolled her eyes, silently refusing to answer the question. She felt a wave of nausea rise in her chest. “Shit I’m going to spew. Do you have a bag or something?” she popped open the glove compartment. “What the fuck?!” she exclaimed. Joan stopped the car and opened her mouth to explain, as Jodie quickly opened the car door and threw up on the ground. “Foolish girl…” she whispered as she rubbed Jodie’s back. Jodie slowly closed the door and gratefully accepted the bottle of water Joan offered her. “Why do you have a gun Joan?” she pressed, suspicious of the older woman. Joan sighed, “it’s not uncommon for former inmates to seek revenge on correctional staff. It’s just a precaution Jodie. I’ve never used it, I promise,” she placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Right...makes sense I guess,” Jodie nodded slowly. Joan started the car again and pulled onto the road. “So, that’s your girlfriend?” she asked cautiously. Jodie grinned and nodded. “Yeah that’s Vicky. She can get a bit mouthy when she’s drunk, but she’s a lot nicer than that normally. She can be kind of protective of me...she’s sort of like you in that sense,” Jodie giggled. Joan forced a smile as she gripped the wheel. “As long as you’re happy my darling, that’s all that matters,” she drawled. Jodie placed a hand on the older woman’s thigh. “I still love you,” she whispered. Joan covered the younger woman’s small hand with her own and smiled, “I know” she whispered back.

Joan turned off the car as she pulled into her parking spot. “Jodie there’s something I need to ask you,” she stated, looking forward. “Of course…” Jodie trailed. “Does your father use drugs?” she asked quietly. Jodie’s heart pounded nervously, “I don’t think so. Why? Did my mum say something to you?” she asked. Joan shook her head, “no darling, I was just wondering. I just want to make sure you aren’t around that stuff at home, that’s all,” she smiled. Jodie returned her smile and got out of the car. “Don’t worry Joan, I’m fine. He loves the grog but he’s not the type to get mixed up with that sort of thing.” Jodie smiled. 

Jodie kicked off her shoes as Joan poured her another glass of water. Jodie took big gulps and munched on some chips Joan kept in the kitchen for her. Joan wrinkled her nose as she noticed Jodie had thrown up in her hair. “My darling, you have some…” she pointed. “Oh shit, sorry. I’ll go take a shower,” she muttered. She grabbed a handful of chips and made her way upstairs. 

Joan put the chips away and was in the process of washing the bowl when she heard Jodie’s phone vibrate. She waited until she heard the shower running before she took the phone out of the girl’s purse. She stared at it for a moment, trying to resist the temptation to snoop. She put it down on the table and turned to pour herself a vodka. The phone buzzed again, capturing Joan’s attention.  _ Oh fuck it, _ she thought as she pressed the button. There were two messages from Jodie’s father.

**Jodie, I’m sorry again. I didn’t mean a word I said last night, I wasn’t in a good state of mind. Thanks for letting me make it up to you.**

**I’ve left the pills you asked for in your bedside table drawer. They’re hidden underneath your journal. Hope they help you sweetie.**


	3. Chapter 3

Joan paced in the governor’s office as she contemplated what to do. Jodie’s own father was supplying her with the very thing that nearly ruined her life, as well as his own. She had known that Jodie was going out with her friends fairly often, but she hadn’t realized they were getting high and partying as frequently as they were. Kosta was certainly a toxic influence on her sweet angel.

She needed to do something. She needed to protect her. She sat down at the computer and pulled up the corrections database for all of Victoria. She clicked the search bar, and typed “Victoria Kosta”. “Shit” she whispered as the results confirmed what Joan had begun to suspect. Kosta had served time for drug-related charges, and was currently out on parole. Joan calmly walked to her cabinet and unlocked it, and selected one of her mobiles. She pulled a piece of paper she’d written Kosta’s phone number on the night before from her pocket and dialed. “Yeah?” the rude girl answered. “Victoria Kosta?” Joan drawled. “Right that’s me, who’s this?” she sounded annoyed. “Doesn’t matter. You’re currently on parole, correct? Drug-related offences? It would be a shame for a young girl with such promise to end up back in the slammer because of a silly party, wouldn’t it?” Joan taunted. Kosta went silent for a moment. “What do you want?” she responded. “Break up with Jodie Spiteri. Make up an excuse. If I suspect she’s found out about this little conversation, you’ll be reported for breach of parole,” Joan asserted. “Who the fuck are you lady?” Kosta spat. “Ms. Kosta, I am the difference between your freedom or incarceration. You have until tomorrow night to cut Jodie loose,” she hung up. 

“All this for a 20 year old girl Joan. She’s gotten under your skin. You’re losing your power, and this only ends one way.” Ivan stood behind Joan with a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it away and turned to stare him down. 

“Really? And what might that be?” she retorted. “You’re unravelling Joan. The girl will destroy you unless you take back control. She’s got you in the palm of her hand. Have I taught you nothing?” he sneered. 

“Why can’t you leave me alone?!” Joan shouted. 

“You have the power to banish me Joan. You  _ choose _ not to. Or, you’ve become so _ weak _ that you can’t” he taunted. 

“Stop,” she begged quietly through clenched teeth.

“You let Jodie dictate everything you do. You’re falling apart, and even that pathetic mouse Vera can see the cracks,” Ivan spat.

“Don’t you dare talk about Vera!” Joan demanded. “She’s a good person. And so is Jodie. They’re loving and kind, a concept you wouldn’t understand,” she retorted.

“You’ve always disappointed me Joan. Why are you letting a  _ child _ keep such a strong hold on you?” he taunted.

“Because I AM IN LOVE WITH HER!” Joan shouted as tears streamed down her face. She dropped to her knees and buried her face in her hands. 

“Joan?” a soft voice interrupted her thoughts. Joan looked up and saw Vera standing in the doorway. The mousy woman quickly closed the door behind her and knelt down to help Joan up. “Vera, I’m sorry. I just…” she trailed. “Was it your father again?” Vera asked gently. “Yes,” she sighed. “It’s been happening more often lately,” she looked down, defeated. Vera held the older woman’s hand in her own, and led her to the couch. Joan allowed the younger woman to comfort her as the tears kept rolling down her cheeks. “Sometimes I think I’ll never be free of him,” she admitted. “Oh honey,” Vera kissed her forehead and caressed her cheek. “You will. I’m sorry he’s still hurting you Joan”. Joan laid her head in Vera’s lap as the smaller woman lovingly trailed her hand along the Governor’s arm. “Thank you Vera,” she whispered softly. Vera smiled sweetly. She softly grasped Joan’s chin and turned her head to meet her gaze. “I love you too Joan,” she whispered and planted a gentle kiss on Joan’s lips. The raven-haired woman smiled faintly as a knot of guilt twisted in her chest. “Let me take you home sweetheart,” Vera offered. “What about your mother?” Joan asked. Vera shook her head, “don’t worry about that. Her new nurse is always happy for the overtime,” she smiled. Joan nodded and got up to retrieve her belongings. She followed the younger woman to her car, and tried to exile the rollercoaster of emotions swelling in her heart.

\---

“Mmm I could stay like this forever,” Vera whispered as she leaned back into Joan’s chest. A warm glow of candles illuminated the bathroom, and the scent of lavender bath oil was truly starting to help calm Joan’s mind. “Me too Vera,” she replied as she held the woman close. “Thank you for opening up to me about your dad...I know that couldn’t have been easy for you Joan,” Vera said softly. Joan laced her fingers through Vera’s and rested her cheek on top of her head. “Thanks for understanding, and for caring about me. Sometimes I think you’re the only one who does,” Joan replied quietly. “I love you,” Vera whispered. Joan stiffened at the sweet utterance, and kissed Vera on the cheek. Vera slowly turned to face the older woman. “You can’t say it back…” she stated as she searched the Governor’s eyes. “I, well, I…” Joan stammered. Vera cupped Joan’s cheek in her hand. “No, no...It’s okay Joan. I understand. I know it’s hard for you. You don’t need to say it for me to know that you love me,” she kissed Joan. Joan allowed herself to melt into the younger woman’s lips. Vera stood up and stepped out of the bath, wrapping herself in a towel. “Of course, you could show me, if you were so inclined,” she teased. Joan grinned and stepped out of the bath, following her deputy into the bedroom. 

Joan pulled the towel off of Vera’s body and leaned in to kiss her. The younger woman wrapped her arms around Joan’s neck, pulling her deeper into her wanting lips. Joan stepped forward, backing Vera up against the edge of the bed. Vera allowed herself to fall backwards, as Joan straddled her. Joan gently stroked her nipple, never breaking away from Vera’s lips. Her heart swelled with joy as Vera moaned at her touch. She grasped Vera’s small breast in her hand, circling her nipple with her thumb. She kissed Vera’s cheek and buried herself in her neck, leaving soft kisses along her throat. She playfully trailed her fingers down the smaller woman’s torso, smiling as she felt Vera’s hips rise to meet her touch. She gently pressed into Vera’s clit, rubbing slowly and sensually. “Oh Joan…” Vera whimpered. “You like that baby?” Joan whispered, kissing her cheek. “Yes…” Vera murmured softly. Joan traced along Vera’s slick folds as she teased her, keeping her thumb pressed into her clit. Vera’s breath caught as Joan gently pressed into her wet slit. Joan gazed at the beautiful woman below her to try and hold herself back. She was  _ aching _ to fuck her deputy hard and make her scream. But she knew Vera liked sex to be slow and gentle. 

Joan eased her finger into Vera’s glistening entrance. Vera gasped in pleasure as Joan slowly pushed in and out, curving her finger and gently tapping her sensitive place. She leaned down and pressed her lips against Vera’s, softly running her tongue along her deputy’s bottom lip. Vera parted her lips further and drowned in Joan’s loving mouth. Vera pulled away and moaned in ecstasy. “More...please…” she whispered. Joan smiled and eased a second finger inside, pushing deeper, and slowly arching her wrist to bring Vera closer to her release. She felt Vera’s cunt tensing up as she breathed harder. “Come for me baby,” Joan whispered. Vera gasped as a wave of euphoria washed over her, leaving her trembling with pleasure. Joan laid on her back as Vera kissed her chest, swirling her tongue across every inch of her lover’s full breasts. Joan closed her eyes and let her deputy explore her body. 

Vera jumped as Joan’s phone rang loudly. She quickly grabbed the phone from the nightstand and sat up when she saw who was calling. “I’m sorry Vera, I have to take this,” she asserted. “This is Governor Ferguson,” Vera heard her say as she walked out of the bedroom.

“Joan it’s me,” Jodie’s voice quivered. “What’s the matter?” Joan whispered. “It’s Vicky,” Jodie sniffled. “She broke up with me!” the girl cried. “Oh no, I’m so sorry my darling. Where are you? I’ll come pick you up,” she whispered. “I’m sitting...on the bench...at the park,” Jodie stammered, trying to catch her breath. “Alright. Go into the cafe across the street and get yourself a cup of tea. I’ll be there in 15 minutes,” she said soothingly. “Thank you,” Jodie whimpered. 

Joan walked quickly back into her bedroom and began collecting her clothing. “What’s wrong?” Vera sat up. “I’m sorry Vera but I need to go. One of the new inmates had a psychotic episode and they need my approval to escort her to a psychiatric hospital,” Joan replied. “I’ll go with you,” Vera stood up and searched for her knickers. “No, Vera. It’s fine, really. Go home, I’m sure your mother will be missing you. I’ll call you a cab,” Joan smiled. Vera nodded and got dressed as Joan ordered an Uber. 

The two women hugged outside Joan’s apartment as Vera’s ride pulled up to the curb. “Text me later?” Vera requested. “Of course,” Joan smiled and gave her a quick kiss. “See you tomorrow,” Vera said as she hopped into the car. Joan waited to drive away until the Uber disappeared around the corner.

Joan stepped into the cafe, scanning the room. Jodie was sitting in a booth with her head on the table. Her tea was untouched. 

“Jodie, I’m here…” Joan said softly as she placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder. Jodie smiled sadly and shifted over in the booth so Joan could sit next to her. Joan sat and wrapped her arm around Jodie and pulled her close. “What happened darling?” she whispered. Jodie wrapped her hands around her mug, grateful for it’s comforting warmth. “She texted me and asked me to meet her at the park. She said it was important. I sat down next to her on the bench and tried to kiss her, but she pushed me away. She said she didn’t want to be with me anymore,” Jodie’s bottom lip quivered as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m so sorry my angel,” Joan whispered and kissed the top of her head. “Did she say why?” she pressed. “She said she met somebody else,” Jodie said. “Oh dearest. I’m sorry. It’s her loss. Nobody is as beautiful, smart, or loving as you,” Joan whispered. Jodie sighed and rested her head on the older woman’s shoulder. “I just thought we had a shot, you know? She made me feel good about myself…” she trailed. Joan nodded empathetically. “There will be others Jodie, I promise,” she coaxed. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Joan caught a glance of Wentworth’s forensic psychologist walking briskly through the door.  _ Shit _ , she thought. Bridget stopped in her tracks as she saw the raven-haired woman and her young lover. She hesitantly made her way towards the booth. “Good evening Ms. Westfall,” Joan smiled. “Hello Joan. Jodie, are you alright?” she looked curiously at the young girl. Jodie smiled sadly, “I’ll be okay. I just got dumped…” she trailed. Bridget looked at Joan cautiously. “I’m sorry to hear that Jodie. I know you really liked Vicky. We can talk about that on Wednesday and come up with some strategies you can use to cope,” Bridget smiled kindly. “Thanks Bridget,” Jodie offered a small smile. “Joan, it’s nice of you to be here for Jodie at such a difficult time,” Bridget tutted. Joan smiled politely, “yes well, I came in to pick up some coffee beans and saw her sitting here by herself. She was upset, so of course I checked on her,” she replied. “Right,” Bridget nodded. “Jodie is there anything I can do for you in the meantime?” she offered. Jodie shook her head. “That’s alright Ms. Westfall. I was just about to drive Jodie home, I’m sure her mother is expecting her,” Joan said. “Well then, I won’t keep you. Take care Jodie,” Bridget smiled and headed to the counter. 

Joan offered her hand to help Jodie up. She opened the door for the girl as she pulled her hood up. “Are you really taking me home?” she asked quietly. Joan nodded, “I think that’s best. You have an early class tomorrow, no?” she inquired. “Yeah,” Jodie replied. 

The two got comfortable in Joan’s car as she reached into the back seat. “I got something for you,” Joan smiled. She passed Jodie a journal with a statue of an angel from the Gothic era on the cover. “I figured you must be getting close to finishing your other one,” she said as she placed her hand on Jodie’s thigh. “Thank you,” Jodie offered a small smile. “I just filled it up yesterday actually”.

Joan started the car and began the short drive to the Spiteri household. Jodie sighed loudly. “I just can’t believe she left me...I really didn’t see it coming,” she said. Joan reached for her hand and grasped it gently. “I know darling. I’m sorry. I promise you will meet someone else, and they’ll be better for you than Vicky was,” she coaxed. Jodie pulled her hand away. “Better for me? What do you mean?” she asked, audibly annoyed. “Well, you’re studying and working hard on yourself, and she’s...not the best influence to be around,” Joan explained. Jodie was silent for a moment. “You checked up on her didn’t you? I can’t believe this!” Jodie exclaimed. Joan pulled the car over, a block away from Jodie’s house. “I only wanted to make sure you were safe. I didn’t like the impression I got from her when I picked you up from the party, so yes. I may have looked into her history,” Joan said slowly. “Did you know she’s on parole? She served time on drug-related charges,” the words slipped out of her mouth before she could think. 

Jodie’s eyes widened. “You scared her away. You forced her to break up with me!” she exclaimed. “Jodie, I-” Joan started. “No!  _ You _ were the one who told me to date people my own age. You  _ wanted _ me to find someone else, and when I finally do, you chase them away? I can’t believe how fucking selfish you are,” Jodie spat. Joan’s heart pounded as she saw the fire burning in Jodie’s eyes. She desperately grasped Jodie’s hand and held it close to her chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Jodie, but I was worried. She’s not good for you, and I can’t stand the thought of you getting mixed up with drugs again,” she said quietly. “That’s not your decision to make. I’ve told you repeatedly that I’m fine, and you don’t trust me. Vicky knew about my past, so she never sold to me,” she asserted. “So tell me the truth. Why did you make her leave me?” she asked, her voice shaking in anger. “I was protecting you,” Joan said. Jodie chuckled sarcastically, “You can’t protect me from everything Joan,” She unbuckled her seat belt. Joan grabbed her hand again and arrested her gaze. “Because I care for you Jodie. You mean a lot to me,” she pleaded. Jodie shook her head, “no. That’s not good enough,” she retorted. She grabbed the handle to open the car door. “Jodie wait!” Joan pleaded. “What?” Jodie huffed, her hand still gripping the open door. “I did it because I  _ love _ you Jodie! More than you could ever possibly understand,” she said softly. Her heart threatened to burst out of her chest as her hands trembled. She’d let the words escape her mouth, and she could never take them back.

Jodie pulled the door shut and stared at Joan, surprised. “Holy shit...you said it. You’re in love with me?” Jodie muttered under her breath. Joan smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind Jodie’s ear. “Yes. I love you. Truly, and deeply. You’re everything to me,” she whispered. Jodie cupped Joan’s cheek in her hand and gently kissed her. Joan swallowed nervously. “I’m truly sorry for pushing Vicky away from you. You must hate me for that…” she shook her head. “I could never hate you,” Jodie said quietly. “But sometimes I think my life would be a hell of a lot easier if I could,” she said as she looked away. Joan placed her hand on her thigh, “please don’t say that Jodie…I know our relationship isn’t easy...it can be utterly soul crushing at times,” she admitted. “But what we have is special.”

“I should go. But you need to promise me you will never interfere like that again. I will always love you, but you said it yourself that this will never work long term. You can’t be my everything, as much as I desperately wish you could,” Jodie said quietly. “Never again. I promise,” Joan said and smiled sadly. Jodie kissed her older lover and got out of the car. “Good night Joan,” she said and shut the door. 


End file.
